The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
