im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
