I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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