Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
