I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
being pregnant is like rehab
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
