Just cropdusted the office
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
