i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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