Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
