Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
