so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
