The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I want a musical about memes.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
