I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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