did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
