i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
