I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
