Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
