So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize