wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
