everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
