just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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