The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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