If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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