I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
