she was so not down for the gang bang
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
