Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
