I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
