I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
