It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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