Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
