somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
