Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
