I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you have to choose: penises or morals?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
