brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
