when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
