Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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