My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
