Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
