remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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