I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
