i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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