Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
