A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
