so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
