Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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