I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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