He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
