You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
