it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
