just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
