Need sex. Gaining weight.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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