Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
