You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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