Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
