Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
